Christmas at Hogwarts
by Phiction Phantom
Summary: Lily has a problem. Snape's been helping her in Potions and she wants to ask him to the Yule Ball. If it could only be that easy.
1. Chap 1: An Uninvited Invitation

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 1: An Univited Invitation

Background: This is Christmas, 4th year, from Lily's Point of View. This is not related to some of my other fics. It's more of a 'what if 'rather than the way I actually see it. I guess it's the way I wish it was, but personally do not think happened. Still...I like the idea well enough.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except Tina Pritchitt, and who cares about her?

Specific to this chapter: This is a rather introductory chapter, not too angsty, though it does get angstier in later chapters...The way Lily uses names is important. I'm not schizo, she does go back and forth in her mindbetween calling James Potter - James and Potter - though always Potter to his face. She calls Remus Lupin, Remus, usually, and Sirius Black, Black almost always. It depends on how she's feeling about each character, as to what she calls them. She always thinks of Peter Pettigrew as Peter Pettigrew...perhaps because she doesn't know him very well, or perhaps because she knows more than one Peter. This is a little detail, I know...but I just wanted to get across that using first names is a bit significant here... that's all, I believe I just overexplained that wink PS. Sirius is always a bit of a explative deleted in my fictions...sorry Sirius lovers...

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Chapter 1: An Uninvited Invitation 

"Evans…" even as Lily heard the voice behind her she quickened her pace. She didn't bother to glance over her shoulder; she knew who it was.

"Evans…" the voice was closer now, louder, and slightly out of breath.

"Oh no," Lily said under her breath, and with a deep sigh she turned to face him, "Potter."

"Evans…I…I've been trying to catch up to you all day today."

"Oh?" Lily, of course, knew this. She had been avoiding him for two days now, departing quickly from one class, and taking alternate routes to another, slipping into her seat just in the knick of time, allowing no occasion for chatter. She had been behaving this way ever since yesterday when Sirius Black let it slip to one of her friends that James Potter was going to ask her to the Yule Ball.

"You're pretty quick…for a girl," Potter laughed as if this was funny, "If I didn't know you better, I'd think…"

"I've got to go, I'm going to be late for class…"

"This will only take a moment, I promise," Potter flashed a cocky grin.

Lily inwardly groaned. She did not wish to go to the Ball with him, true enough. To complicate things further there was a certain someone she did want to go with, yet he still hadn't asked her. She was starting to lose hope that he would.

_Why didn't Potter ask someone else the to Yule Ball?_ There were loads of girls who would love to go with him. Why that Tina Pritchitt was always hanging on him, and giggling at his dull jokes. There was also that rather pretty Slytherin girl. James was often seen carrying books for her. She fancied him well enough.

Although what James Potter probably needed more than anything was a good dose of humility, she still did not want to hurt his feelings. Furthermore, she had other things to worry about, and did not want to be bothered with this, having to say no…. having to explain why…it was no good.

Potter looked as if he was trying to think up the perfect thing to say, finally, "Guess what?"

Lily said nothing but put on a forced smile.

"I am inviting you to escort me to the Yule Ball."

Lily blinked, "Was that an invitation?"

"Why, yes," Potter said flashing his pearly white teeth again, obviously not taking her meaning, "What time shall we meet to go?"

Lily closed her eyes to think a moment. _How arrogant was he?_ _This was horrible._ People were milling about past them on their ways to various classes. She hated to do this in the middle of the hallway, but…

"I'm afraid I will have to decline," She said with a nervous smile, "Sorry."

She turned and walked to the staircase. "Evans…. wait?" He followed her.

"What?" She asked wanting to get away, "I said no, but thanks for asking."

"Why not?" he asked sulkily.

"I'm already going with someone else," Lily lied, and feared the lie was written on her face.

"With who?"

"Please…I have to go," she said, desperate to be safely in class where this could all blow over. She hurried up the stairs.

"Wait!" Potter said more forcefully. "I want to know who?" And he grabbed her arm to stop her.

Lily pulled her arm free, but this action caused her to lose her grip on her book bag, which tumbled down the stairs spilling the contents everywhere. Now, many students had stopped to see what the commotion was about, as still others hurried to get out of the way, for they seemed to sense trouble coming.

"Thanks, Potter," Lily grumbled sarcastically, as she surveyed the books, parchments and supplies strewn down the staircase.

"I'll get it," he said, reaching down to straighten up some parchments.

"No, thank you," Lily said coolly, and bent to collect her belongings.

"Potter, you prat! You aren't supposed to throw a ladies things about!" Lily raised her eyes to see that at the bottom of the stairs stood Potter's gang of friends: Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. Remus Lupin was already crouched and picking up the items at the bottom of the stairs. Peter Pettigrew swayed nervously with a creepy glee in his eyes. Sirius Black stood haughtily in front of Peter Pettigrew, smiling broadly. It was the latter that had spoke.

Lily did not like the implications of Potter's friends showing up at this particular moment. She acknowledged Black by nodding at him curtly.

"Evans," He said inclining his head gentlemanly. "How are you this fine afternoon? Lovely weather. I hear that you are going with Potter here to The Yule Ball."

Lily shot an angry glance down at Potter, who kept his eyes on the floor, very focused on sorting out the parchments. She could not believe the nerve of him.

"You've been misinformed," Lily retorted.

Peter Pettigrew cackled, then covered his mouth.

Remus Lupin, quiet as always, looked up at her and smiled faintly. She was glad that she had at least one ally here. She had talked with Remus only a handful of times, usually during class, but he has always been kind. He was very smart, and kept to himself and studied quite a bit. He was the kind she could see being friends with if he would ever stop living in the wake of Potter and Black.

Lily looked back toward Black who was raising an eyebrow, but was now looking at Potter. "Oh. I see," Black said quietly.

James looked up sheepishly, for the first time, "Yeah, apparently she has already been asked by someone else," he said quietly, trying to assuage his pride.

Black pondered this for a moment, "Oh, really," He looked thoughtful for a moment, "That's odd, because I didn't hear anything about that. I mean, surely I know every Gryffindor who's going – and who they are going with."

Lily didn't say anything but shoved a couple of books and some quills back in her bag.

"A Hufflepuff perhaps?" Black mused.

"It's none of our business," Lily said furiously.

"Here you go, Lily," a timid voice came from the foot of the stair. It was Remus, and he was holding out a stack of parchments, toward her.

As Lily was taking them, something caught Black's eye on top of the stack that Lupin was handing her.

"What is this?" he asked snatching up a plain white envelope, on the face of which a name was printed with flourish.

Lily froze. She was seized with a bit of panic momentarily. How dare Black look through her things. She glanced around, and saw that more people had gathered around, along with some 6th and 7th years. This was mortifying, and she could feel her cheeks blooming with roses of embarrassment. _How could the day be going so poorly?_

Black turned the letter over in his hands.

Peter Pettigrew chortled some more; there was some interested chatter from the students who'd joined as audience.

Lily just hoped he would get bored and leave, but he was already opening up the envelope, which wasn't sealed. She looked down at James, who glanced up at her with a hurt look on his face. He tossed some of her stuff in her bag and joined his friends at the bottom of the stairs.

He stood behind Black and read the card over his shoulder. "Ahhhh…very interesting…very interesting…" Black said as he scanned the card. Lily tried to remember every word that was written, but was drawing a horrified blank. Maybe it hadn't been that bad, maybe they couldn't misconstrue anything…

"Give that back!" Lily warned. Her eyes were burning from humiliating and despair, but she would not let them see her cry.

"I will, Evans, keep hold of yourself," Black mocked.

"You're a bully, Black. You're all bullies." She walked down the steps to retrieve her card, leaving her book bag halfway up the staircase.

Black pulled the card out of her reach just as she grabbed for it. "Patience Evans. Why are you so upset anyway? This is sweet really. A Christmas card, I gather, but I've never seen one like this…" He held it up showing a picture of a glittering winter snow scene, snow falling, but frozen in its place.

"A muggle Christmas card!" someone Lily recognized as the Slytherin Quidditch Captain said derisively.

"Black!" Lily said, having trouble checking her anger and shame, "Please…"

-End Chapter 1-


	2. Chap 2:The Blackest of Christmas Cards

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 2: The Blackest of Christmas Cards

Background: This is Christmas, 4th year, from Lily's Point of View. This is not related to some of my other fics. It's more of a 'what if 'rather than the way I actually see it. I guess it's the way I wish it was, but personally do not think happened. Still...I like the idea well enough. (and whoever said the Yule Ball wasn't every year was...of course...right. But it's a school and they need a dance! So I revived the Yule Ball :-)

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Specific to this chapter: Hmmmm...poor Evans and her feelings for this lad. Gosh, I don't know what to say about this one. It gets a big more angsty, and I start really feeling bad for the characters...my husband said I can't feel bad because I make it happen. But it's not me, I promise it's THEM. Also, yeah, Sirius, still evil. James, getting there. Sorry Sirius and James lovers. I just don't see them as that nice. I'm sure they get nicer as they grow up, if that's any conselation prize for you.

Special thanks...to all my reviewers...how very sweet hugs you all

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Chapter 2: The Blackest of Christmas Cards

"Black!" Lily said, having trouble checking her anger and shame, "Please…"

Black paid no attention to anything Lily was saying, but took a couple steps back and re-read the card. He made disdainful noises as he perused it.

Black cleared his throat and read aloud, " Dearest Severus," He paused for effect, while the hallway buzzed with whispers, and laughter.

Potter scowled, and Black went on even louder.

"Dearest Severus," he repeated, "Thank you so much for helping me in Potions Class this year. I hope that you will have a lovely Christmas. Are you staying here over vacation? If so maybe we could study together. Are you going to the Yule Ball? Just wondering. I'm not sure if I'm going, nobody's asked me yet. Yours, Lily Evans." Black put the emphasis on certain words in a way so that the whole things sounded scandalous.

"You're going with Snape!" Potter gaped at her, tousling his dark hair in an uneasy way.

"I didn't…" Lily began, but was drowned out by the crowd.

The throng of students was talking excitedly to one another, and a group of Hufflepuff girls were giggling loudly. The fair-haired Slytherin who Lily had seen many times with Potter spoke, "No self respecting Slytherin would be seen with you, Mudblood." A couple of first year girls gasped at the obscenity, a few Slytherins laughed, but mostly people shot angry glances at the blonde.

Lily was on the verge of tears. She looked at Remus for support, but he would not meet her eyes. He was staring benignly at his feet. She was looking around for any one of her friends, but everyone seemed wicked at this moment. They were all people whom she didn't know, or didn't like, and all laughing at her expense.

"I thought you had taste," Potter spat. He looked at her furiously, but behind it there was a hint of damaged pride.

"I think it's rather adorable," Black said callously, "He's doing your homework, and your paying him back."

Lily seethed. _The nerve of Black! First, to read her personal feelings meant for someone else's eyes. Then to show everyone else, and misinterpret the whole thing, make it all seem foul. How dare he!_

"First of all," Lily tried again, "I never said—"

She was interrupted by a sudden uproar from the rear of the bystanders. She looked to see what was happening.

A scrawny boy was stealthily trying make trying to make his way past the crowd. He had his head down, his hair covering his eyes, and had not even bothered to glimpse what the commotion was about. He looked like he was doing his best to blend into his surroundings, and not because he sensed that the fuss had anything to do with him, but because that is what he always did.

Lily's stomach gave a lurch. She knew that Severus had no idea what was going on. He had, after all, not asked her to the Yule Ball. He was very shy, and she didn't think that he would be able to work up the courage, which is why she had been dropping hints to him.

She also felt sudden remorse because she knew that students from every house gave him a hard time already, and this was not going to help. He was a little strange; it was true. She probably wouldn't have noticed him herself under regular circumstances, but now that she knew him, she liked him quite a lot.

"Snape!" Potter called, and she watched the raven-haired student go rigid. He didn't look up, but she could see his features tighten beneath his rampart of hair. He stood as if he were waiting to be struck, or perhaps as if someone had said his name by mistake, and he would find out that all the eyes in the hallway, were indeed, _not_ on him. He looked up very cautiously, eyes wide. The crowd parted Black and Potter walked toward Severus.

"What?" he said quietly, his hair lying limply on his face.

"Severus! Dearest Severus!" Black chided. The Hufflepuff girls sniggered obscenely at that. Severus looked confused; his eyes darted around warily. When they rested on Lily he looked pleadingly at her. Lily's heart ached for him, now, her poor friend who just wanted to be left alone. Lily wished she could give him an answer, but she was just as much hostage as he was to this torment.

"So, Snape," said Potter, "Going to the Yule Ball?"

Severus looked at Potter with bewilderment. He seemed to not be able to make a connection between the Yule Ball and this sudden scrutiny he was under. He opened his mouth a little, but didn't seem to have a voice. Lily watched pitifully as he tried to grasp something to say.

The group around them grew silent, straining to listen to him; he opened his mouth again. "What do you mean?" he asked uncertainly.

"Going to the Yule Ball?" Potter repeated.

"I'd think you'd need to get some proper robes then," Black said to the delight of Peter Pettigrew who was bursting with amusement.

Severus shook his head as if he was unsure what he was being asked, but didn't say a word.

"Understand English?" Potter spat, he had lost his temper completely by this point, and had a look of utter contempt for Severus. He took a step towards Severus, and poked a finger into his chest, "Simple question, Snape."

Severus glared back at Potter, "Why do you care?" He tried to sound tougher than he looked, for shock and hurt were still written plainly on his face. He looked back to Lily, and she could feel her cheeks burning, and the dread rising.

At that Potter punched Severus squarely in the eye.

-End Chapter 2-


	3. Chap 3:Of Pain and Potions

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 3: Of Pain and Potions

Background: This is Christmas, 4th year, from Lily's Point of View. This is not related to some of my other fics. It's more of a 'what if 'rather than the way I actually see it. I guess it's the way I wish it was, but personally do not think happened. Still...I like the idea well enough.

Disclaimer: JKR owns everything, I'm a humble admirer

Specific to this chapter: Sorry for all those who wanted to see 'what happens next' that will come later...this is mostly flashbacky. Sorry for those of you who think James Potter's a nice guy...cuz he's not here...and remember I said in chapter 1 that names were important..they still are...

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**Chapter 3: Of Pain and Potions**

At that Potter punched Severus squarely in the eye. There was a dull thud, and Severus staggered back a couple of steps, knees buckling under him as he fell to the stone floor.

"Stop it! Potter!" Lily screamed, as she ran over to them, "Why are you doing this?"

"Stand back, Evans," Potter yelled.

Lily glanced down at Severus. He was touching his left eye tenderly, and still wore the most horrific look of surprise.

Potter lunged at him again, and he flinched back, holding up this free hand defensively.

"Potter! Stop it!" Lily shoved him hard, and stood between Potter and Severus. She looked down at her poor friend, and extended her hand to help him up. She was reminded of the first time she ever laid eyes on him. It hadn't been that day in Potions Class, but her mind was immediately drawn there, when she had actually met him.

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The problem was Potions Class.

In her first year at Hogwarts the Potions' Assignments were relatively easy. For the most part it was mainly bookwork, with a few very simple potions here and there. She did not have any trouble and got high marks.

In her second year, Potions Class became quite a bit more difficult, and she struggled through much of the work, while others seemed to pass the class with ease. Many of here peers even found the class fun. Lily could still do the bookwork perfectly, but when it actually came to making potions…she was dreadful.

She had no trouble in any class except Potions, and it was in third year that she started really having problems. Every potion she made in class was rubbish, with no exception. Not only was it embarrassing, but also she knew she must be getting very low marks in the class. She was so frustrated she considered giving up altogether, but it was a required class until fifth year.

The last straw came in double potions while making a Giggling Draft. Her potion had turned an angry magenta, while all the other student's brews were varying shades of purple. Professor Slughorn had asked her to stay after class. The Slytherins in earshot laughed at that, even though he had tried to speak in a low voice. Lily was mortified. For the rest of the period she had a knot in her stomach.

At the end of class, she sat in her seat waiting for other students to file out of the room. When the room was clear she met Professor Slughorn at the front of the room, leaving her things in her book bag at her seat.

"Professor? You wanted to see me?"

"Ms. Evans," Slughorn said quietly, "You're not up to snuff on your coursework lately…"

"I know, sir, I'm sorry."

"I hate to say it, but you are failing this course."

Lily looked down at the floor. She had figured as much, but hearing it confirmed made her feel horrible. Her eyes welled up with tears, which she tried to blink back. She'd never failed anything in her life.

"I want you to pass my class, Ms. Evans," Slughorn assured, "So I'm giving you another chance. I've comprised some extra credit homework for you. I'm giving you a second try on some of those potions that didn't come out…so well."

"Thank you, Professor," Lily said, but while she was grateful, she knew it was hopeless.

"Just follow the book," Slughorn suggested, "You will do fine. You've always been a fine student. Just put a little more effort into it."

"Alright, sir." _But she had been trying to follow the book. It was a problem with subtlety that she did not seem to possess. If she wasn't burning her potion, she was putting ingredients in too soon, or stirring to quickly, or who knew? Understanding potions was not her problem, execution was._

"Now, I think it's time we get to lunch. Good luck. I expect a big improvement," Slughorn gathered his things and headed off to the Great Hall.

Lily walked back over to her desk and began collecting her things. _This was useless. She had already tried to follow the book. Of course she would try again, but to what end. She didn't know how to make her potions come out correctly._

She felt her eyes burning. A tear slipped out and she wiped it away absently. _How was she going to fix this?_ She sat down in her seat, put her head in her hands, and sobbed quietly. There was no use going to lunch now, she thought, with red eyes and tear stained face. When she felt like she could compose herself, she raised her head.

She jumped back and gasped. Someone was staring at her with narrowed eyes. She hadn't heard anyone come in the room. _How long had he been watching her?_ She looked at him, noticing his ill-fitting robes, hanging loosely on him. He had a thin face framed with dark hair that matched his dark eyes, and contrasted startlingly with his ivory complexion. He looked like he had seen only scant amounts of meals or sunlight.

"I will help you," the Slytherin boy said quickly. He seemed sincere in what he said, but he was glaring at her warily.

_Surely, she'd seen him before, but had she ever met him?_ She wasn't even sure she knew his name. From what she knew of him he was quiet and a little odd. As he didn't vie ostentatiously for attention like some of the other students she had never really payed much attention to him. She wiped her eyes. "Why would you want to help me?" Lily asked for she was not sure of his intentions.

"Never mind," He grumbled angrily, and turned and walked to the back of the room.

Following him with her eyes she noticed all of his potion things still set up. She had falsely concluded that he had snuck in on her when she was crying, now she realized that he had been there the whole time and she hadn't noticed him.

"Wait," she pleaded, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

He looked at her irritably.

"I mean…how can you help me? Are you making up work too?" She motioned towards his cauldron.

"No." he scoffed.

"Oh," she said. There was a long silence, as he went about writing whatever he was scribbling ferociously on parchment.

"I'm the best in the class in Potions. The best in the school, perhaps," he said finally, still writing.

"Why are you doing extra credit?"

"Why do you think I'm the best in the class?" he snapped back at her. "This isn't extra credit."

"Do you do this all the time? I mean…don't you go to lunch?" but she hadn't ever remembered seeing him at lunch before. She already knew the answer, wishing she hadn't asked the question.

He shot her a fierce look that let her know that she was dangerously trying his patience, and went back to his notes. Lily didn't know what to do, so she decided to start over.

"I'm Lily Evans," Lily extended a hand politely, "You can call me Lily."

"I know who you are," he said without looking up.

She left her hand extended, and like the silence it hung there awkwardly for a moment, but he didn't even glance at it. She cleared her throat thinking he may look up.

"Severus Snape," he said curtly. "Don't call me Severus. Only my friends call me Severus"

Lily was stung at that. It seemed unnecessarily cold. Then she had a wave of pity as she wondered if there was anyone he would allow to call him Severus.

"What shall I call you?"

Snape didn't answer. Her hand wavered, and she finally dropped it, giving up. She looked at him quizzically; still slightly embarrassed that he saw her crying.

"What potions do you need help with?" Snape asked in a more even tone.

Lily's stomach turned, as she remembered her plight, "All of them!" she said miserably.

"All of them?" Snape asked skeptically. He looked up at her again.

"It's okay, you don't have to help me. I would understand." Lily mumbled, "It's my problem."

"I said I would help," Snape asserted impatiently. "I keep my word." He lowered his voice, "Besides you helped me once."

Lily had no idea what he was talking about. She opened her mouth to say something, but he gave her a look that suggested she should not.

"Well," Snape said looking up at her for the first time in a while, "Figure out what you want to do first, and meet me here tomorrow at lunch."

"Thank you," Lily said with a nervous smile.

Snape muttered something under his breath looking flustered, and went back to his work.

She had picked up her books and left, feeling very confused.

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Severus looked up at her extended hand, as if he was almost afraid to take it. He seemed to think that doing so would bring about further retribution. He brought his hand down from his eye, revealing a crimson trickle of blood. He got back to his feet without her assistance, but did make an effort to give her a look that said it wasn't personal.

Lily really hated Potter right now, and she turned to glare at him defiantly.

-End Chapter 3-


	4. Chap 4: Christmas Presence

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 4: Christmas Presence

Background: This is Christmas, 4th year, from Lily's Point of View. This is not related to some of my other fics. It's more of a 'what if 'rather than the way I actually see it. I guess it's the way I wish it was, but personally do not think happened. Still...I like the idea well enough. Blah blah blah...same old same old...

Disclaimer: I own nothing ... nothing i say!

Specific to this chapter: Lessee...well, there's more action in this one, for those of you who want to know what happens next, but also a flashback (which i willmark so you know where it is)which I personally like. I like 3rd year Snape...he's ornery. Hee hee.. I mean it's not that he's totally defenseless in this fic, do not worry about that. He was taken totally off guard...so I realize that last chapter he may've seemed unduly harsh in the flashback, but remember no one's ever nice to him...and he seemed unduly pathetic in chapter 2, but he's just confused momentarily. gives Snape a hug

I want to thank everyone who continues to review my work! **I really really really really really appreciate it.** I like to know what you like (and don't like) and specifically how it makes you feel. So Thanks!

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**Chapter 4: Christmas Presence**

Lily really hated Potter right now, and she turned to glare at him defiantly. She had a good mind to hex him, except for two things. One was that her wand was in her bag on the stairs. And the second thing was that Black was already pointing a wand menacingly at Severus, and the fact that he had already anticipated this made her even uneasier.

She looked back at Severus, and wondered where his wand was. Most of his things were on the ground, but his wand may be in his robes where he tended to put it. Still they were outnumbered at least four to two. Further, (and most sadly) she wasn't sure how far Severus trusted her as an ally. He still didn't even know what was going on.

Some of the crowd was beginning to disperse, but a lot of people still hung around to see what was going to happen next. She wondered how long it would be until a teacher came along. _Yes, a teacher would have to come along shortly…if she could just stall a bit._

Black started in with his taunting again, "So, Snape, we have come to understand that you and Evans here are quite the little item."

Lily could tell that Severus was already piecing together parts of what was going on, but as none of this was true, he still bore subtle traces of bewilderment. Still, Lily saw his usually colorless face, redden slightly. He was clearly embarrassed, but Lily didn't know if it was because he genuinely did like her, or if the thought of them together disgusted him. Lily remembered last Christmas.

* * *

It was lunch, and they were doing their normal routine.

They had been working together for almost a month, and Lily had improved in Potions quite a lot, or at last she thought so. If she measured it by Snape's ruler, it was another story.

"You're doing that wrong," he said again.

Lily sighed, "It's fine."

"No, it's wrong," Snape asserted, "Give it here." He took the spoon from her. "Stir like this. Why are you flicking your wrist about? Must you do everything so flamboyantly?"

"Fine." Lily sulked, and took the spoon back. She was now accustomed to Snape's criticisms, which came every time she tried to touch a potion, but it was still annoying.

"I said counter clockwise…. that's clockwise," Snape hissed.

"I'm sorry."

"Just do it right," he snapped.

He picked up her quill and wrote down some notes for her. "This quill is horrible."

"Sorry." She repeated, irritably.

'The ones with the gray feathers write much better. I'm sure you picked this one because you thought it was pretty," he looked at her accusingly and wandered over to what he was doing in his own cauldron, which was exponentially more complex. She noticed he always carried around books that were a great deal more advanced than their grade level.

She continued to stir the potion, and it started to make a horrible gurgle. She checked her notes quickly…nothing there mentioned a horrible gurgling noise.

"Um…Uh…" She said nervously, for she still never knew what to call Snape. Generally she just spoke directly to him without addressing him, to avoid embarrassment, but this action didn't work if he wouldn't look at her.

This was one of those times when he didn't look up at her, but instead was engrossed in what he was doing. Sometimes it was so hard to get his attention.

"Is it supposed to be doing this?" She asked nervously, as the mixture in the cauldron started bubbling over the side. Lily glanced fretfully over to him, but he was just making notes in his book, not paying attention to her at all.

"Severus!" she called anxiously.

He looked up at her with narrowed eyes, and she thought that he might snape at her again, for daring to use his first name, but his face softened. "Yes?"

Lily smiled inwardly, but there was this potion problem, "Look."

"What did you do?"

"What you told me to do!"

"I said, don't flick your wrist when you stir!"

"I wasn't."

Snape came briskly over, and gazed at her potion, then her notes. He added an ingredient, stirred it counter clockwise twice, and then shook his head at her despairingly, "You didn't add the fireweed."

"Oh." Lily felt stupid.

"Anyway, that has to simmer for fifteen minutes," Severus said, walking back over to his own work, "So watch it but don't touch it."

Lily watched her potion for a minute, and then grew bored. "Can I ask you a question?" she said.

"No."

"Come on, Severus," she pushed her luck with his name again, and as he didn't growl at her, she kept going, "I'll ask you something, and then you can ask me anything you'd like. Whatever you'd want to know about me."

"Why would I want to do that?" came the terse reply.

"Don't be so mean," Lily scolded. She was now in the habit of reprimanding him for his ill temper. At first, he had glowered every time she did it, but it had quickly become as much a part of their routine as him criticizing her potions, and he didn't bat an eyelash at it anymore.

"Do your work," he countered.

"It has to simmer fifteen minutes…"

"This is why you don't do well in Potions, you are easily distracted."

She pulled two apples out of her bag, "I brought you an apple."

Snape didn't say anything. She brought him food on the days they met, but he never ate it. You'd think she had a reputation for poisoning people. "One question."

"No."

She had worked with him all this time, and knew very little about him. It was strange to be dealing with someone so often that she wasn't acquainted with. "Okay, you ask me something…isn't there anything you'd like to know about me?"

Snape looked at her, "Why do you talk so much?"

"I meant a real question…"

"If I wanted to know something I would slip you some Veritaserum, wouldn't I?" Snape said, without hesitation.

Lily made a mental note not to accept any gifts of food from him, and went on, "You are so grumpy."

"I'm not."

She was surprised that he protested. "Eat this," she said walking over and handing him the apple.

"Later…" he said. "I'm busy." It was always the same thing.

"Well, I'm going to ask you anyway…" Lily pressed, and he didn't object so she continued, "What do you want for Christmas?"

"I don't need anything," he spat out very harshly to her.

She was taken aback, and hadn't expected such a severe reaction at such an innocent question. "No, but what do you want?" she said putting the emphasis on 'want'.

"I don't want anything."

"But I wanted to get something for you, as you've been so kind to help me with this…"

"Don't get me anything."

Lily scowled. She really felt she should do something to repay him for all his help. Generally, if you could overlook his moodiness, he _was_ kind, and he _had_ genuinely helped her, for she wasn't in danger of failing the class anymore. She didn't know he would be this sensitive about it, and there was plain hurt in his eyes, which was strange.

"I was just trying to be nice."

Severus looked at her; rather, he seemed to look through her for a moment, as if he could read the truth in her eyes. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean anything by it, just don't get me anything."

She agreed, for she did not want to send him into another fit of outrage, but felt bad just the same.

She stayed true to her word, and got him nothing, as he wished.

On Christmas morning, however, when she awoke she found a small, plainly wrapped package with her name on it in the Gryffindor common room. There was no tag to say whom it was from, and she couldn't even imagine how Severus could have gotten a package into their common room, but who else would have given her a quill with a gray feather?

* * *

Lily hoped her inclinations were right, and that Severus did, indeed, care for her. He was such an enigma, though.

"Yes, quite the item," Black repeated.

"Disgusting!' the Blond Slytherin said with ardent revulsion.

Snape's eyes flashed on her, and he seemed to be finding some confidence for the first time since this trap was sprung on him.

Lily felt as if there was nothing she could say that would be the right thing. If she told the truth, it seemed that it might do more harm to Severus than good. She could not very well lie and say that they were together either, that would definitely do him no good, and what if he blatantly denied it? How could she explain that this had been a misunderstanding?

"Listen Snape, you stay away from her!" Potter raged again.

"I do not take orders from you," Snape hissed as he wiped blood from his eye.

Out of all the times she'd seen people pick on Severus, she never remembered him fighting back. The way he was clenching and unclenching his fists now, made her wonder if this was all about to change. Everyone has a breaking point.

"Seriously, Evans," Black said coolly, "This ugly git? I mean. He must really do a good job on your homework."

Lily felt so bad; it was indescribable. _Why'd they have to be so incredibly malicious? Potter isn't getting what he wants for once, so they are just going to gang up on poor Severus._ "Shut up, Black."

"Evans," Black scolded, "Do be nice. I would not want to be forced to hex a lady."

Lily backed into an open doorway, of an empty classroom. Severus, who'd been standing a bit behind her, was now directly to her left by the doorpost, and Potter was leaning a few feet away against the wall to her right. Black was before her, standing ahead of Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. The rest of the students who had stayed were in a malevolent semi-circle around them. She glanced behind Black at Remus Lupin who was staring at her sadly now.

"Won't you do anything?" she beckoned to him.

Black looked over his shoulder, "Don't bother Lupin. You have other things to worry about."

"Yeah?" Lily challenged.

"Yeah, like the fact that you are under the mistletoe," Black said with a laugh.

Lily glanced up, and damned if it wasn't true.

-End Chapter 4-


	5. Chap 5: The Storm

**Background:** Lily Evans 4th year at Hogwarts. It's right before Christmas. It's more of a what if story...not what I think actually happened...and believe you me I have DEFINITE ideas about what really happened, and not this...I try to keep my characters the way I see them from reading the books...

**Disclaimer: **It's not mine

**Specific to this chapter:** Oh, this was such a hard chapter for me to write, so if it sucks, I'm sorry in advance... First of all there's sort of a flashback within a flashback, and it was hard to make it not confusing...hopefully it's not. Second the action in real time and in the flashback is making me a bit on edge. Kissing scenes are always sticky for me, it takes me forever to muddle through them, so I hope it seems somewhat realistic and not as uber-cheesy as I feel like it is when i reread it...Also, you see a way softer side to Severus here, but he's had over a year of Lily's influence, and I hope it shows. (He's only niceto her it should be noted)Unfortunately for him he still doesn't completely trust her (though he wants to)...which is sad...Poor Sevvie and his issues...well I've rambled enough, read on...

Comments are appreciated...

* * *

Chapter 5: The Storm 

Lily glanced up, and damned if it wasn't true. She had backed up into a doorway where mistletoe was hung.

"I think we would all like to see a sweet little kiss from the lovebirds," Black said with a cruel glint in his eye.

Potter scoffed heatedly while Black simply grinned a wicked grin.

That was when Lily realized it. Black knew - and had known all along - that she and Severus were not a couple. He was toying with them for his own amusement, and not for the retribution of his friend. In fact, he was also toying with Potter. Tears started forming in Lily's eyes again, and she wasn't sure she could bear this humiliation much longer.

"You're evil, Black," she said quietly.

"Kissy, kissy," Black mocked in answer.

Potter looked away, as if he couldn't bear this, and Lupin had also turned from them. Peter Pettigrew watched deviously, as did most of the bystanders. Severus would noteven glanceat her, and took a step away. She was amazed that she could feel any more mortified; this was the absolutely most nightmarish thing that ever happened to her.

"Come on," Sirius said, and flicked his wand at Lily startling her, and forcing her to lurch into Severus. Stumbling, she grabbed his robes for support, nearly bringing him down, before she caught her footing.

"Stop it!" she screamed at Black, letting go of Severus, who looked aghast at being grabbed. She hated the look on his face for she had seen it before.

* * *

Two weeks ago, in one of their normal lunch sessions, Severus had finally asked the question Lily had been dreading since the beginning of fourth year, "Why do you still come here?" 

He hadn't said it in a way that suggested that he resented her for being there, more out of curiosity. That on its own struck significance with Lily, as he rarely ever asked her anything of consequence.

"What do you mean?" She avoided, looking at her cauldron "I study, of course. You help me on potions."

He glanced up at her with a small smirk, "That's not what I meant."

He didn't speak for a long while, and she wondered if that was the end of it. He just sat across the room from her, staring at the desk, and uncharacteristically not doing his work. When he spoke again the question was phrased carefully.

"I asked you why do you come here, and you answered with what you do when you're here, when what I really want to know is why?"

"I need help with Potions."

"You don't"

"Of course I do."

"You're the best in the class, now."

Lily looked down, she'd prepared her answer, for when this was to come up, but it seemed so stupid now. Her actual motivation was that she wanted to be with him. When else would she see him - in the hallway, or across a classroom? She would miss his company. How could she tell him that though? But oh, how she wanted to tell him the real reason. "I'm not the best in the class, you are…"

"Besides me," Snape scolded, as if he didn't count, "You are the best."

He was right. She was very adept at Potions now. He barely helped or criticized her anymore, for she did it down to the letter. She had become so disciplined in Potions that Severus had even complimented her once or twice. It was hard not to try to do well, just to avoid his disappointed scowls, and as he was very hard to please, she had to be perfect.

Gradually, he had softened towards her, and they'd grown into a very comfortable routine. She'd found out that he was eating the food she brought for him, though rarely in front of her. She had seen him once in the library, absently eating a sandwich she had made for him while he read a large, boring looking book. That pleased her. Occasionally, if not working on a potion, he would eat lunch with her, especially if she had gingerbread cookies, which were his favorite.

Generally they just went on about their work, and she would talk to him, and he would listen quietly. He was smart and armed with a sharp wit, which proved hysterical during conversations, especially about certain students. She found herself liking him a lot – perhaps against her better judgment.

"I'm doing well because of you…"

That seemed to settlethe matterfor the moment, though he looked at her skeptically as if there was more he wanted to say. He gave her an appraising glance, and seemed to be satisfied. He picked up a book and started reading it.

Lately, Lily found herself looking forward to their meetings at lunch. She realized that she was studying extra hard at night, and it was to impress him. She disliked the days that they didn't meet - when she went to lunch with her friends. Weekends were unbearable. She had lost interest in the other boys who would come by and flirt with her. They seemed doltish as they jostled about for attention. They didn't have anything meaningful to say, and they weren't truly interested in anything she had to say.

Severus, on the other hand, was a veritable dartboard of information; everything that was thrown at him seemed to stick. In the beginning there had been numerous occasions when she had thought he wasn't listening, only to find out months later that he had stored away much of what she had told him. So when she said, "Can I ask you something?" it didn't worry her that he didn't look up, or stop reading the book.

"Of course," he said, without hesitation.

The truth was he only answered about one in every ten personal questions she asked him; he was the master of circumvention. Still, his openness to this question surprised her. Usually he at least groaned when she tried to draw information from him.

"Remember the day we … erm…started studying together?"

Severus nodded, engrossed in what he was doing. It looked to be the Charms Paper they had been assigned - for he was glancing back and forth from book to parchment, and scribbling down notes.

"Remember how you said that I'd helped you once?"

Severus' hand stopped on the paper, and he nodded shortly.

"I really don't know what you meant by that?"

Severus sighed.

She continued quickly, "Were you being sarcastic? I don't mean anything by it, I just don't…well…I don't remember ever meeting you before, let alone helping you."

She walked over and sat down next to him on the long wooden bench. He was quiet for so long that she did not think he was going to answer her. He didn't go back to his work, however, just sat there staring at the table. She thought he looked handsome like this…sitting there pensively, his face softened. When he finally answered he looked away from her.

"The first day of school."

She remembered the first day: feeling nervous, lonely, being sorted…all of that. She did not recall meeting Severus that day.

'Do you remember the rain storm?"

"Why…yes, now that you mention it…" Lily recalled the torrential downpour. Rain lashed at her hair and face as they made their way across the lake to Hogwarts. She remembered how violently she was shivering by the time they arrived on the grounds. It had been storming all day and the deep puddles and mud were everywhere. Her feet sloshed on the grass with every step. The grass was slippery…

With that small amount of prodding, her memory was jolted into a realization. Indeed, she _had_ met him that night. All the faces were so new at that time, and he had been so covered in mud, she hadn't realized who the he was. The mud covered boy - she felt a sudden pang of compassion.

"Well—" he began softly, but she interrupted him.

"I remember, now." She didn't want to put him through the misery of explaining what she already knew.

Chilled to the bone, Lily darted for the castle barely feeling the ground beneath her feet, She had fallen well behind many of the children, when her new hat had blown off her head, and she had to chase it back nearly twenty yards. She, along with some other stragglers fought to catch up. The rain had abated some, but still she was deafened by wind whipping past her ears.

As she approached the entrance to the castle lightning flashed so fiercely, that it illuminated the entire grounds. Had it not been for fated timing, she would not have seen anything. A few yards ahead of her in the shadows three rough looking boys stalked a paler, skinnier boy.

She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she saw one of them shove the thin one face first into the mud-drenched earth. The boy landedon hisoutstretched hands and collapsed. Outraged, and forgetting the bitter cold for a moment, she moved purposefully towards them. As she approached, the boys had begun kicking mud at him as he struggled to a sitting position. They were laughing. The biggest boy kicked a final bunch of mud, and then the gang ran away apparently growing bored, cold, or both.

The boy tried to get up, but seemed unable.

By the time Lily reached him, the bullies had gone into the castle.

"Are you okay?" She yelled over the storm.

The boy didn't say anything; he just sat prone in the mud looking miserable and confused. She couldn't make out much about him, except that he had dark hair, clotted with muck, and dark eyes staring cagily out of his muddied face. He held his wrist gingerly.

"Are you okay?" Lily repeated, wondering if he could hear her. The wind whaled, but she could barely feel it anymore through the numbness.

The boy nodded vaguely, though he was still cradling his arm.

"Is your arm hurt?" she asked, bending down to look at it.

He flinched.

"I'm not going to touch it," she assured. "Can you bend it?"

He shook his head.

"It might be broken…" Lily looked around for a teacher, but the only people around were a few students, and they hurried byaverting their eyes,"I'll help you up."

She reached out a hand for him, but he wouldn't take it. He just glared mistrustfully at her. "Come on," Lily pleaded, "Give me your good hand. I will be careful."

There was an ear-splitting crash of thunder. That seemed to make up the boy's mind, for he offered her his hand cautiously. She managed to pull him up, without further injuring him, but not without splattering her robes with mud, and her hands and arms were caked in mud.

As soon as he was on his feet, he shrunk away from her. They walked side by side toward the entrance.

"I'm Lily," She said, trying to be friendly. She wiped her hands on her robes leaving long dirty streaks.

He didn't respond, but walked quietly toward the school, falling back a few steps. When they were in the Hogwarts, before her ears even began prickling from the warmth, a teacher hustled him away to have his wrist looked at.

Being alone again, Lily quickly remembered her nervousness at the new surroundings, and momentarily forgot about the boy. She had looked around for him during the sorting, and he wasn't there. After she'd been placed in Gryffindor, she joined her new house's table, and calmed down a bit. She searched for him again during the feast. He was not there. He was never sorted, so far as she knew. Soon she began talking to her new friends, she forgot about the whole ordeal.

Lily looked back at Severus. "I didn't do all that much," she said sheepishly. She felt guilty that she had never sought him out, or that she hadn't really thought of him since that day.

Severus said almost inaudibly, "You helped me though."

"Anyone would have …" she said, feeling her cheeks burning.

"But you did… while others turned their heads," he turned towards her and stared into her eyes with a deep grief. He had never opened up to her like this before.

She wondered then, who were the boys who had knocked him down. She didn't get a very good look at them, being that it was so dark, and she barely knew anyone. Who were they? Were they Gryffindors, in her own house, her own friends?

"Slytherins," Severus said as if reading her mind. He spat the word out as if he wasn't one of them.

Lily felt bad. It was no wonder he was such a recluse. He didn't even have friends in his own house. She placed her left hand on his tenderly, and felt him twitch. He didn't pull away, though he was now looking at her uncertainly.

At that moment all Lily wanted was for him to kiss her. She was lost in his sad, dark eyes, and longed to kiss his pale lips, or simply to be able to wrap her arms around him without him shrugging her off.

Severus leaned toward her, and for a moment, she thought he was indeed going to kiss her, but instead he looked down at the table. She touched his cheek gently with herother hand.

He pulled back from her so violently that it scared her. He looked horrified, and he said a nervous, "I have to go." and left, leaving all of his stuff behind.

Lily's heart raced. He acted as if she had struck him, when she had only just barely brushed his face. She spent the rest of lunch neatly putting away his things, and wondering what horrors he had encountered to give him such an aversion to touch.

He didn't come to their next meeting, and would not meet her gaze in class. A few days later he showed up again acting like nothing had happened, except that when she talked he responded more bitterly towards her. It was frustrating. Lily wondered why he couldn't see that she cared for him, or why he couldn't accept it.

* * *

Now, two weeks later, were they back to square one? Surely Severus wasn't going to withstand this kind of torture for her. A tear ran down her cheek. She didn't want to cry in front of everyone, but she'd reached her pain threshold for today. She was embarrassed, and worse, she feared that every kindness she'd ever showed to Severus was being erased in this one instance. 

Black, with no pity in his eyes, flicked his wand at her again, and she lost her balance falling fully onto Severus who clumsily caught her before she hit the floor. Gently, he helped her to her feet.

When he came up his wand was drawn, angrily.

-End Chapter 5-


	6. Chap 6: Cessation

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 6: Cessation 

Background: This is Christmas, 4th year, from Lily's Point of View. This is not related to some of my other fics. It's more of a 'what if 'rather than the way I actually see it. I guess it's the way I wish it was, but personally do not think happened. Still...I like the idea well enough.

Disclaimer: Not my characters, but they do my bidding...

Specific to this chapter: Oy, this is a intermediary chapter...it needed to be done, and I like how it turned out, but it's really short. (shorter than chapter 2 by a bit) Also, not 100 that McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey were at the school at the time, but let's say they were... I've noticed a common theme among my reviewers...you want Lily to punch Black in the face... I'm not saying she shouldn't, but she won't... it's too bad really. Other than that...

Thanks: So much for all of the lovely, lovely reviews I got for the last chapter...I did not expect it to go over as well as it did, and I'm glad it did. I like the idea myself, but you never know how it will be received, I daresay that this chapter will be a bit of a let down from last chapter, but I have a couple of future chapters up my sleeve that should be great... Thanks to everyone who read up to this point too...that's a lot of words!

And as always, comments are appreciated!

* * *

**Chapter 6: Cessation**

When Severus came up his wand was drawn, angrily.

"How dare you!" he said through gritted teeth.

"How dare I?" Black mocked.

For a moment Black and Severus faced each other, wands raised, hatred etched on each face, in a stale mate. Potter had pulled out his wand and was also pointing it at Severus. He looked less hateful than full of revenge.

Severus didn't back down. He held his wand ready and stared at them. Lily wondered where he had gotten this sudden courage. She had never seen him fight back.

Black looked unconcerned. He simply switched from pointing his wand at Severus to Lily. "Lower your wand."

Lily found herself trembling a little, despite trying to be brave, and she took a step away. Severus faltered for a moment. He looked unsure of what to do next.

Instead of lowering his wand, he took a step in front of Lily, blocking Black. "Very low, even for you," Snape spat, regaining his composure by the minute.

Black feigned hurt. "Oh, that's rich…coming from a Slytherin."

A few of the Slytherins in the crowd bristled at that backhanded remark, and there was low murmuring throughout the crowd. Others seemed to nod in agreement. Lily could not believe anyone would agree with Black at this moment. Lily could not see Severus' face but he was standing rigid.

A low voice spoke, startling everyone, "I think you should stop, Sirius." Black and Potter both turned at that. It was Lupin, who'd stood silent the whole time.

He looked determined, but a bit like the fight had been kicked out of him. Lily tried to catch his eye around Severus, but he was staring at Black, who looked surprised.

"Come on, Remus!" Black said, laughing a bit. "We're just having a bit of fun."

"It's not fun anymore." Lupin said in a way that made in quite clear he never thought this to be fun.

This change in his friend's attitude seemed to disturb Black, who scowled disapprovingly, "Oh, Remus, always such a good-"

"Look out!" Pettigrew shouted.

That was the bit of distraction that Severus was waiting for. He hexed both Potter and Black so fast it seemed simultaneous. Potter flew across the hallway, hit a few bystanders, tripped and fell on the stairs. Black knocked Lupin over as he sailed into the wall, striking his head hard on the stone, and fell into a heap on the floor.

He didn't move. Lily wondered for a moment if he was dead, horrified by the face that it wouldn't bother her if he were. She could see him breathing though, which meant he must be unconscious.

Potter stood up slowly. He had lost his wand, but did not look like he has in a hurry to find it. He looked at bit dazed as he cradled his elbow tenderly.

"Mr. SNAPE!" the stern voice came from down the hall. There was a succinct tapping of heels as Professor McGonagall approached. Lily turned toward her, ready to explain everything.

"Mr. Snape," She repeated, "I would expect better from you…practicing magic in the halls…why…" At that McGonagall realized that Black was unconscious. "My…my?' she said walking over to him, and checking to make sure he was still alive.

She pointed to an older Hufflepuff girl, and indicated that she should get Madame Pomfrey, immediately. The girl moved quickly from the scene.

"Why are you all standing around here? Get to class," McGonagall scolded. Students were only too happy to leave now that trouble had arrived. "Not you, Potter!"

Potter was slinking away with the rest of the crowd. "I would think, Mr. Potter, that you'd want to stay with your friend." She eyed him suspiciously.

"Right," Potter said trying to look innocent, and rubbing his arm.

"And you may want to get that arm checked out as well."

Lily spoke now, "Professor McGonagall…"

"Ms. Evans," McGonagall said, "Why are you still here? You need to be getting off to class as well."

"But-"

"Well, off to class. Now."

Lily looked up at Severus, who gave her a look that said he shared the opinion as McGonagall. Lily frowned, but didn't leave.

Professor McGonagall surveyed the situation. "Alright, Mr. Potter, you stay with Mr. Black until Madame Pomfrey gets here. I will be talking to you two later. Mr. Snape - come with me. Ms. Evans, get to class." She said for a third time.

McGonagall led Severus down the hall. He did not look all together unhappy to be leaving the scene, and did not protest. Lily assumed they were going to her office. She watched them disappear as they turned a corner at the end of the corridor. Lily was left alone with Potter, and Black who was still unconscious.

She didn't look at him but gathered up her belongings from the stairs.

"I'm sorry for all of that, Evans," Potter said quietly.

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?"

"I was just…upset."

"The world doesn't revolve around you, contrary to your opinion." She was livid, and looked up at him for the first time, eyes blazing.

"Are you really going to the Ball with Snape?" Potter implored.

Although Potter looked very wounded, Lily held no sympathy for him in this moment. She wasn't normally the type for meanness, but couldn't resist saying, "I'm not going with you, and that's all you need to care about."

She instantly regretted it, seeing the trampled look he gave her, but she pushed it aside. _Why should she feel bad for him? He never stopped to think how she felt, not once. _

She picked up her bag and followed down the hall that McGonagall and Severus had headed. She had to talk to him.

-End Chapter 6-


	7. Chap 7: Questions to be Answered

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 7: Questions to be Answered 

Background: (same old background) This is Christmas, 4th year, from Lily's Point of View. This is not related to some of my other fics. It's more of a 'what if 'rather than the way I actually see it. I guess it's the way I wish it was, but personally do not think happened.

Disclaimer: JKR's characters

Specific to this chapter: So let's see...i like this chapter better than the last one for a lot of reasons. I could have ended it here, but I didn't, I think I will go to the Yule Ball. I was very uncertain up until this point exactly what would happen...I write and I'm just as surprised as you what happens... I let my characters decide, and they want to go to the Yule Ball, apparently. I'm sad that I've run out of flashbacks, I really, really liked Flashbacky Snape. From last chapter: Thanks for all the reviews...glad to see no one was too upset that I knocked Sirius unconscious! There is a certain amount you can pity James, but I personally don't. Lupin and Pettigrew are just followers, butit irritates me that Lupin doesn't stand up to his friends more. Anyway, on with it.

Comments and suggestions are still appreciated, greatly. (But I do already know I use too many adverbs so...)

* * *

**Chapter 7: Questions to be Answered**

Lilyhad to talk to Severus.

Shehad never skipped a class before, butconsidering how today was going, she didn't see that it very well mattered. She could explain everything to Professor Binns later.

She walked steadfastly towards Professor McGonagall's office, ignoring nervous glances from passing students. When she reached the office, it was closed, and as she suspected, McGonagall and Severus were inside.

She was lecturing him very loudly. Lily could understand almost every word of it even through the massive wooden door. Occasionally she would stop, and then Lily could hear Severus murmur something, though she could never quite tell what. McGonagall went on berating him for the next ten minutes, while Lily waited patiently near her office entrance.

Severus came out looking sullen, and disagreeable. He didn't seem to notice Lily who walked over and touched his arm. He jumped, looked at her apprehensively, and continued walking down the hall. Lily followed next to him.

"What do you want?" he accused.

She ignored his rudeness, "Did she give you detention?"

"Two months…"

"Oh," Lily said. "I'm going to tell her what happened…I'm going to tell her the truth, and I'm sure she'll—"

"It won't make any difference."

"But it must…if I tell her that Black and Potter-"

He interrupted disdainfully, "She knows. She said rules are rules."

McGonagall could probably infer that Potter and Black had a hand in the mess, as they were always getting in trouble. Lily, however, highly doubted that Severus told McGonagall the whole story. With his short interjections, how could he have? Furthermore, Severus was not one to explain his actions.

"But if she knew you were protecting me…"

"I wasn't protecting you," Severus shot, and his cheeks went crimson. He put his head down and his hair fell over his face.

"Fine," Lily said irritably, she'd had enough of him, and his sourness for right now, "Whatever you say."

Snapekept silent, but walked faster. It was hard to match his strides, and she was half running to catch up. "Slow down, will you?"

He did, but not enough to be a casual pace like before. They headed up a flight of stairs. Lily started over, "I want to explain…"

"Actually, no. I would really prefer you didn't," Severus said, matching his tone to his rapid footfalls.

"No, I must…" Lily was serious about this. She did not feel she could continue to be friends with him without some sort of explanation. The humiliation she felt was immense. She had just experienced quite possibly the most embarrassing moment of her life. She needed someone to talk to. Or at least, she wanted to make sure Severus would still be her friend.

"Please don't. I understand." Severus hesitated, "I don't need to know more."

"I don't think you do understand…" Lily implored.

They walked on in silence for a moment, and Lily tried to explain again, "It wasn't my fault, Potter knocked all of my things down the stairs, and they found out–"

"I didn't think it was your fault," Severus said still angrily, "I've made it clear that I don't need – NOR WANT - an explanation."

Lily was stymied; she tried to figure out what to say next. She followed him quietly down dark snaking hallways, turning corners left and right, until she had no idea where she was. He didn't seem to be paying attention to where he was heading.

"Where are you going?" she asked finally, looking around at the unfamiliar corridor.

"I don't know!" Severus said severely, but weakly added, "to class...I suppose."

He stopped suddenly, and looked around also seeminglyunsure where they were. He looked frustrated. "I'm trying to get away from you."

Lily was severely cut by the remark, which must have been plain on her face, for Severus softened.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

He faced her and looked like he had a lot more to tell her, but couldn't work up the nerve to say it. Finally, he illuminated her as to some of what he was thinking. "This morning I heard you are going to the Yule Ball with Potter." He paused, and glared at her, "I hope you are at leastreconsidering, now."

Lily was taken aback, out of all the things she expected him to say, that was the farthest thing from her mind_. How many people did Potter tell? The nerve of him!_ Lily fumed.

Before she could answer, Severus continued, "He's quite the jealous sort, isn't he? Did he find out we study together?" He had put together more than she thought he would have, but had come to the wrong conclusion.

"No… No!" Lily said heatedly, fury that she wished she could take out on Potter, "I am not going to the Yule Ball with him. He's been telling people we are going together, before he even asked me. I said, 'no' to him."

Snape eyed her approvingly, "I had thought your judgment was better than the likes of him." He brightened slightly, unusual considering he still had two months of detentions to serve.

Lily continued, "He did find out we study together, but only because Black was snooping around in my things, and I don't care if he does know! I don't care if anyone knows! Severus…" His name hung in the air for a moment, but he let it fall.

"So are you going to the Yule Ball?" he asked suspiciously. Lily guessed that he was trying to rule out if she was going with someone other than Potter.

"I had hoped to…"

"Oh." Severus made a disapproving noise, and looked away from her.

Lily wanted to shake him. _Why did he not see that she wanted to go with him?_ She wasn't sure if she should just flat out tell him. At this point, it seemed the most logical thing. She decided that it was the only thing that would work, and if he rejected her, she was no worse off.

"Severus?"

He looked at her, but said nothing, as was his usual habit. He seemed troubled by what she might say.

"Ask me," Lily said firmly.

"What?" Severus looked stunned, and looked directly in her eyes.

"Ask me!"

"Ask you what?"

Lily closed her eyes. _Now he was going to be difficult, well, fine_. She turned away from him without answering, irritated beyond belief, and strode back down the deserted hallway. She didn't expect him to follow her.

"Wait? Lily…" he pleaded as he ran up behind her, touching her arm softly to stop her.

This gave Lily two reasons to pause. The first is that she never remembered him saying her name - ever. The whole time they'dworked together he'd never called her Lily, or Evans, or anything. It sounded lovely to her. The second shock was that he touched her, even though he pulled his hand away instantly, he had meant to do it. By this she knew he was serious, so she stopped, and turned back toward him.

He kissed her, barely brushing his lips to hers. It was awkward - quick and sweet. The kiss left her dazed, as she hadn't been expected it. She blushed furiously. Severus looked down at the floor suddenly, and couldn't seem to meet her eyes again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't…" she said, and trailed off, feeling her face burning. She watched him sway nervously from foot to foot. She rarely saw him fidget like this, and she found it endearing, she could see a deep flush on his cheeks as well. He looked as if this kind of openness was painful to him.

"I would be honored if you would escort me to the Yule Ball," he said, and it sounded adorably rehearsed. He glanced at her surreptitiously before looking back at his feet, hair covering his eyes.

"Of course," Lily said, unable to suppress a smile, "I would love to."

He didn'tquite smile back, but seemed to relax ever so faintly. He gave a curt nod, still unable to really look at her. "Maybe we should go…back to class," he said quietly.

They walked back down the hall together, not talking. She reached for his hand, and he reflexively pulled away. "I'm sorry," he said again. He looked at her sadly now; she could tell that he was trying to trust her.

"Don't worry about it," Lily said, but she was secretly sad that he wouldn't take her hand. When they'd found their way out of the labyrinth of hallways, they went to their separate classes. She to the end of History of Magic, and he to…well she wasn't sure where he was going right now.

She thought about himthroughout the rest class, and marveled that the day hadn't turned out quite so bad after all. It didn't bother her that people whispered as she walked by them. She wished Potter knew that what he had done had pushed Severus and her closer together - a spiteful thought, really, which should have been below her.

She was in her own world for the rest of the evening. She went to study in the library, but had trouble concentrating. She hoped that Severus might come in, and glanced up every time a student entered the library, but he did not come.

Someone did come to the library looking for her though, Remus Lupin.

-End Chapter 7-


	8. Chap 8: Lupin's Lament

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 8: Lupin's Lament

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Harry Potter, alas.

Specific to this chapter: Ooookay...Let's see. I thought, you know what this story needs? More Lupin...Ha ha ha. No I'm just kidding, that's not what I thought, but I don't mind it because overall I do like Lupin...even if he is spineless most of the time. 2 things. Just in case you don't know the cliche "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" it means, roughly, that something you have is better than all the fantasies in the world...maybe fantasies isn't the right word. Basically if you have a bird, it's better than all the birds you don't have, even if the birds you don't have are better...or something like that. Man, I bet I just confused people who knew what that phrase meant...sorry. The second thing is, don't be too hard on Lily...she's confused. She doesn't mean it. She's had a rough day. And lastly, (even though I said 2 things) more Lupin means less Snape...DRAT!

Notes: Thanks so Much to everyone who's reviewed...you are all so great. And yes, I will keep this going till the Yule Ball...then I mightwrite a sequel...we'll see. I'm glad you all liked the weird littlekiss...me too.To Alaterial...thanks for telling me about the run togethers...I found out why. If you edit ON everything you edit becomes a run-on -I'm not sure why...but every place that did that were places that were running together. I made sure it was all edited when I uploaded it this time. But let me know if you catch anything else, everyone. The definitive copy of this story's on my site...I'll put that up someday... I'm sorry this took so long to update. I was up north for a week, and unfortunately college is starting up again, so it'll probably (hopefully) be updated about once a week...still a work in progress, you know. Anyway...thanks again all you faithful reviewers. (It will improve my writing) And I should say...Thanks for the 45th review (giggle for silliness)

Comments as always appreciated...

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Chapter 8: Lupin's Lament

Someone did come to the library looking for her though, Remus Lupin. Lily was not happy about seeing him and ducked her head behind her book. He looked around and when he spotted her, he headed over to the table at which she was pretending to study.

"Hello, Lily," he said sheepishly.

Lily glanced down at her book, "I'm studying Remus, leave me alone."

She said it more harshly than she intended too, but he did not seem to notice. He acted as if he deserved it.

"Please, let me sit for a moment," he said quietly.

"Fine," she gave in; she found she could not sustain meanness to someone as meek as Remus Lupin.

There was a long pause, where Remus collected his thoughts. Lily waited, as she could not think of a thing to say to him.

Finally: "I'm sorry for my friends."

Silence held a moment.

"And…for me…" Remus looked down, "I should have done more."

Lily wanted to agree with him, but he was in so much anguish that it would really not help to rub it in.

"Black is going to be pretty mad at you for saying anything."

"Yeah, well…" Lupin shrugged, "I saw him in the hospital wing after classes. He was not too happy, but he'll live. James had broken his wrist, but it was healed by the time I got there. I don't think either was too mad at me, they were just talking about Snape…er…Severus Snape."

Her heart reacted to his name, "Black was so cruel…and I've always known James Potter is a hothead, but I really didn't expect him to be so…" She trailed off, really unsure of where to go with it.

"He…well I…he…" Remus was stammering, and she didn't think he'd be able to get out what he wanted to say, struggling to find the right words, "He's a tad obsessed with you. He threatened to hex every guy in our dorm if they asked you out…I'm pretty sure all of the Hufflepuffs and half of the Ravenclaws. Maybe even some Slytherins. I don't think he meant any harm. He's just kind of spoiled that way."

Lily was very angry. She tallied one more point against Potter. _That boy had some sort of gall._ She looked back at Remus to say so, but realized he wasn't finished yet; he was looking at her expectantly.

"You would have gotten tons of requests otherwise…Myself, I would have asked you out, if he wasn't my best friend…"

Lily didn't know what to say to this. She wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement. She felt her cheeks glow a little. It wasn't as if she was particularly surprised that he would like her, just that he mentioned it stunned her. This, however, was not the optimal moment for candor. Still, she had always found Remus appealing.

Remus was the type she could see herself fancying, specifically if he didn't come with the baggage of Potter and Black. She wasn't attracted to him in the mysterious way that she liked Severus – no, and it wasn't as strong - but she couldn't help but be flattered. He was smart and handsome and kind.

It wasn't as if she wanted to date him, but this was better than the sinking feeling she got every time Potter was around trying to impress her. At least Remus was sincere.

Now she was at a total loss of what to say.

Remus spoke again, "I didn't mean to make you nervous. It's…it's not a request. It couldn't be, I would lose a friend over it…"

Lily found her voice, "You should really stop caring about what Potter thinks..." She wondered if she'd said too much. She, indeed, didn't want to encourage him to ask her out. She didn't want to break his heart.

"I didn't mean James," Lupin said, "I meant you."

Lily blushed earnestly now. "Remus, you wouldn't lose me as a friend." She paused, realizing she was still unduly encouraging him. "You should know that I am already going with someone else to the ball."

Lupin nodded expectantly.

Lily felt bad for him just then. He looked tired, sad…alone. She had never realized how lonely he looked most of the time. Usually he blended into the background, muted by the garish antics of Black and Potter.

She reached out and touched his hand reassuringly. There was such a difference, between his hands and Severus. His were warm, and soft. He didn't pull away at her touch. That was nice. Instead he gave her a squeeze back. There was a surge of warm energy. She pulled her hand back, as if she'd been shocked.

Her heart sped up a little. _This is not the time to be falling for Remus_, she scolded herself. She looked around; making sure Severus was not in the library. He would not understand her sitting with Lupin. With how guilty she felt now, she wouldn't be able to explain it, either.

She looked back to Remus guiltily, who looked a little taken aback by her reaction. Her heart was pounding so hard, and she wondered if he could hear it. _Of course not! That's absurd! I was just…confused. Yes, he revealed that he liked me, and it confused me._

She put her face in her hands. _Why was this so difficult all of a sudden? Was she actually this fickle?_ She knew better, though. She had always had a soft spot in her heart for Remus Lupin, always. Before he was befriended by the dynamic duo, he'd had no friends, and was quiet and kept to himself. She always felt so bad for him. She had tried to be his friend. Then Potter and Black came along, and that was that.

"Are you okay?" Remus touched her shoulder tentatively – that spark again.

Lily nodded, head still in hands. These types of revelations always came at the worst times. It couldn't have been when she didn't have feelings for Severus. _Oh, when it rains, it pours. _

_A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. _This phrase she'd heard her mother say popped up randomly in her head. _What did that mean anyway? Even a more scary thought was, which boy is in my hand and which of these boys is unattainable. _She remembered how Severus flinched away when she tried to take his hand. _This was agony._ She much preferred not having choices, but if given the choice…whom would she pick? Severus, of course, Severus. _A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush… _

"I'm thinking in clichés," she said.

"What?"

"Never mind," She looked back at him, still feeling his warm hand on her shoulder, "Listen, I have to go now. I'm not mad at you – really. You can put your mind at ease about that. I…but we…can't…we can't…Oh, I have to leave."

Remus was staring up at her, nervously. _Had he felt it too?_ Lily hoped not. _Why was everything going so wrong, when it was just finally going right?_

She got up and walked out of the library without another word, and headed towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

Remus had just shaken her confidence tremendously. This was not a contest. She liked Severus. She cared for Severus. _You like Remus, too, you care about Remus too, and you are lying to yourself. _She pictured their kiss earlier in the hall, quick and adorable, it still gave her chills. _But would it be so bad with Remus either? Don't you remember the electricity when he squeezed your hand? _This was frustrating. She wanted to silence her head.

These would have been thoughts that would have never occurred to her had Remus not admitted he liked her. She scowled. She had been perfectly happy, thrilled even. Now a little change in plans and she was wavering like a fool.

She felt unfaithful. _It's just a date…just a date to a ball…you don't have to marry him. _With Severus though, she knew it was more than just a date. It took a lot for him to ask her out. It was such an uphill battle with him. He deserved better than this, though. Really. She wanted to see him again. She wanted to kiss him, but a real kiss, and she would forget about Lupin. _Will I?_ Of course she would. _Oh, but it's already late. What should I do?_ She changed her direction on a split second impulse and headed for the dungeons.

_A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush._ Stop that.

-End Chapter 8-


	9. Chap 9: Kisses at Night

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 9: Kisses at Night 

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Harry Potter, alas.

Specific to this chapter: This is a long chapter, starts off slow, but I like the way it ends. Of note...I do not know if Hershey Kisses are popular in Europe...as I'm not Brittish, and have not been there. Well, I've been to Europe but not Great Brittain. So I'm assuming. And I made up the word melty.

Notes: I am going to give a shout out to everyone who's reviewed me so far...holla!...(No I don't really talk like that.) To my signed in reviewers: Alateriel567 stackles hulahula, Viski, isugur-huny-bun, Graceful Lee, Elizabeth Elliot, where-my-heart-resides, agent715, WhiteCamellia, stocktonwood, kittyatza, Empress Andromeda, AshlyDaKid, and MGuidi, and to my anonymous reviewers: lilian,anoneemoose, Amscray,tRiXy leStRanGe, LIz, s fkjadlf, Lizz (don't know if both Liz's are the same) THANKS! You guys are awesome, I know a lot of you have posted multiple reviews...and I didn't really realize I could acknowldge ya'll till recently..so yay. And You've made me blush numerous times - in a good way.

Also, I've started school, so my updates may be more sporadic...now...but at least once I week I will try for.

Also, also, I've started a new fic about Snape/Lily (A bit of chance)...but it's not AU like this one, it's what I think could have happened...and from Snapes POV if you want to check that out...nothing too exciting has happened yet there, but plots get in my head, and I have to expell them.

Comments as always appreciated... (I hope you like this chapter, I did)

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Chapter 9: Kisses at Night

Lily changed her direction on a split second impulse and headed for the dungeons. She passed a teacher on the way, and was positive that she would get in trouble, though she'd done nothing wrong. _Not yet anyways_. The teacher didn't give her a second glance.

There was something mildly dangerous about this. It was invigorating. She hurried down the great stone steps that lead to the dungeons. How strange it was that the Slytherins lived down here.

She was not exactly sure where she was going, but tried to remember the general direction. She found what looked like the correct corridor to the Slytherin Common Room. It was flanked with two angry looking gargoyles, and there was a painting of a sour looking man, which was the biggest indicator that she was in the right place. She figured he guarded their common room, just as a painting of a lady guarded hers. He admonished her, "You should not be down here this late, young lady."

She moved down the hall away from the painting. _This place is kind of creepy_. Lily shivered. _And cold._ Since she had no password or way to get in, she decided to stay and hope a Slytherin would walk by.

Lily waited for what felt like an eternity, but had probably only been a few minutes. She started thinking that this was a bad idea, and was just about to leave when a rather large Slytherin walked past. He must've been a sixth or seventh year, not unattractive, but brooding.

He sneered at her, "Lost, Princess?"

"No…I…would you mind getting someone in there for me?"

"Why should I do that?" he asked sinisterly, and edged closer to her, making her uncomfortable.

"I just…never mind," Lily turned to go.

"Leaving so soon, pretty?" The boy said, grabbing her wrist, "I don't even know your name."

Lily ignored the request, but she couldn't pull her wrist free, so she was stuck there for the moment. Her face came up to his chest. She saw the glint of his prefect badge. _This is what passes for a Slytherin Prefect? _Lily was horrified.

"Please, could you get Severus Snape for me?"

"Snape," he repeated the name, and released her wrist, "Ah." He looked like he realized something, "So you're the one…"

Lily felt embarrassed, and vaguely uncomfortable, but she was glad that he had let go of her. Lily wondered if he'd heard about the incident in the hallway. "What does that mean?"

He looked her up and down, "Why do you want a boy like that when you can have a man?"

Lily snorted, and blurted out, "Oh? You mean yourself?" She couldn't help the contemptuous tone in her voice, but she wondered if she'd stepped over the line.

To Lily's surprise the prefect stepped back. He looked embarrassed by her remark, and stuck his nose in the air. "You will have to go in and get him yourself if you want him then."

He turned from her, gave the password, and walked into the common room. Lily wasn't sure if she should follow. She was apprehensive about being in another house's common room, not that it was unprecedented, and did not know how Severus would react to her just barging in without being invited. _Obviously this was a plan that I did not think out well_, she lamented.

Against her better judgment Lily followed, timidly. She decided she could just peek in. She arrived in an enormous stone room that was grandiosely decorated. It was still hard, and uninviting. Luckily, though, it was much warmer in here than in the hallway. She looked around. Students were sitting around, doing homework, chatting, and other various things. Barely anyone looked up at her.

Some were already in pajamas. Lily was embarrassed by the thought that Severus might be in pajamas. It was a stupid thing to worry about, but it seemed the type of thing that would put him in a bad mood. It could be uncomfortable. She looked around and didn't see him anywhere though.

The Slytherin Prefect sat down with a group of students. He said something, no doubt about Lily, and they began laughing. He glanced back at her disapprovingly. She was catching more notice now. She felt like an intruder. _I am an intruder. _She decided to leave.

"Why are _you_ here?" a pretty eyed Slytherin girl asked, roughly. She was sitting in a group of girls, studying at a table in front of the fireplace. They all looked young, perhaps first years.

"Oh, stop it, Pamela," her friend elbowed her, and smiled, "That's Lily Evans."

"Oooh!" another girl said as if she'd just heard some tremendously good gossip, "She must be here to see Snape."

The table giggled. Lily was very uncomfortable. Obviously a lot had been getting around about her and Severus. It was strange. She couldn't tell if people approved or disapproved, but it was certainly entertaining for them.

"Yes," Lily said, "Do you know where he is?"

The girls chuckled some more. A couple of them shook their heads, and one of them nodded but was laughing too hard to tell her. Lily crossed her arms, and waited with annoyance.

The laughing-nodding girl finally pointed toward the stairs to he dorms. Standing in the doorway was Severus. He had been watching her, but turned away quickly when he'd been spotted. She managed to glimpse a cockeyed grin. A moment later his face was inscrutable. He approached her, almost warily. Lily was just relieved that he wasn't wearing pajamas. He was still properly dressed from head to toe in his school robes.

The table of girls giggled some more. Severus looked uncertain of what to say, or what to make of the cluster of silly girls. Lily found herself in a similar predicament. She wanted to see him, but she couldn't remember why. She just was happy he was here. She couldn't think of one intelligent thing to say. They hadn't talked since he'd asked her out to the Ball. _This is very awkward._

"I…I waited in the library for you tonight," Lily stumbled over her words.

Severus looked confused, and then embarrassed as if he'd forgotten their date. Although, or course, they had no date.

Lily hurried on, "I mean, I know we weren't supposed to meet. I was just hoping…" The girls were stifling their snickering now, and listening to every word. Lily wished that they were somewhere else, away from an audience.

"Shall we go outside?" Severus asked, more softly than usual, and in perfect accord to what Lily was thinking.

Lily nodded, and they walked out of the common room into the chilly dungeons. Lily hugged herself tightly with a slight shudder.

Snape eyed her, and looked suddenly alarmed, "I…I should. If only I had something…a scarf or a coat…that's what I'm supposed to do…it would be the proper thing." He was stammering like she'd never seen him. He held out his hands hopelessly, and scowled. "Maybe I could go get something." He looked toward the door.

"No, I'm okay, don't…" Lily just wanted him to stop. It was like he didn't know how to act now. Which, she supposed that she didn't really know how to act now either. This was more complicated than she'd imagined. They walked down the cold corridor, while Severus still looked distressed.

Severus was subdued when he spoke again, "What did you need?"

Lily had no answer. She didn't need anything. She had only come down (_to kiss him?) _to see him, and had not thought about anything beyond that. "I just wanted to see you." _That sounds so stupid._

He blushed though, just a bit, but she saw it, and then he hid his face in his hair. She could feel discomfort radiating off of him. He was only at ease being disagreeable and couldn't adapt to this new situation.

"Oh!" he said, fumbling around in his pockets. He looked relieved to have something to say, "I forgot. I saved this for you." He pulled out some small metallic wrapped candies. "They're from Dumbledore actually, but I don't really like them –" he paused as if he'd said something wrong, but continued, "They're your favorite."

Lily didn't even recall telling him that they were her favorites. _What an obscure thing for him to remember._ She felt her heart skip a beat. How very touching. She carefully took the candies from him, which were a little warm and melty from being in his pocket.

"Thanks," she said, "I'll save these." And she meant it. She intended to save them forever, in her jewelry box where she kept things that were precious to her.

He was being sweet. He normally was, in truth, but when you pulled off the rough exterior it was more apparent. The only kiss they'd shared was barely even a kiss. She remembered suddenly why she went to visit Severus in the first place. How she longed for a real kiss. Now that she was here, she didn't think she had the nerve.

There was a very long silence, and Lily felt the tension growing. If she didn't say something to him soon, she felt she might burst.

"So," She said, to say anything, "I hoped you would come to the library tonight."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I had to study for Transfiguration…. Of course, I would have rather gone to the library with you, but I didn't think of it." He looked as if he was silently berating himself for not thinking of it.

"Maybe…" Lily was hesitant, "Maybe we could study tomorrow together. In the library, like a date…" They'd never been together in public before. She didn't know how he'd react. He'd asked her to the Yule Ball, but were they dating?

"Ok," he said. She thought he was going to say more, but he didn't.

They talked about classes for a while, and Lily began to grow very cold. She was reluctant to have the night end though. In spite of everything, it had been wonderful to spend time like this. She shivered slightly, and Severus noticed this with concern. She knew he was going to insist that they go back to their respective dorms.

He turned toward her, and tentatively took her trembling right hand in his two. She felt a wave of emotions, tenderness, lust, fear, happiness, sadness, but the overwhelming emotion was anxiety. It was…strange, as if it wasn't her feelings. The sensation faded a bit as he warmed her hand inside of his, which honestly weren't much warmer than the freezing dungeons. He took her other hand and repeated the gesture. She felt that curious rush again, feeling for a moment more nervous than she had before, and those other slight feelings. She felt the emotions, but it was as if they weren't inside of her.

Lily tried to look at Severus, but he wouldn't meet her eyes, instead he stared blankly down at her hand. When he released it, she felt a chill, and this time not from the temperature. _A moment just passed between us. I don't understand it, but it was more intimate than a kiss. _

Now she wanted more than ever to kiss him. She could tell it wasn't going to happen though. She just sensed it. She frowned slightly.

"I should walk you up to your common room," he said suddenly, as if the idea just occurred to him.

"Don't be silly. Besides, if we are caught together we will be in more trouble."

Lily couldn't tell if Severus looked hurt or disappointed. Either way, he tried to hide it. She wished he could walk her to her dorm. It would be nice, and much warmer, but it didn't make sense for them to get in trouble. _It must be really late now, way after curfew._

"Severus…" she asserted, "I'm serious. It's sweet of you, but it's very late."

He nodded a little. "Well, I will walk you out of here." He motioned to the dungeons. She had hoped that he would hold her hand, but he didn't. It seemed he might be warming up to the idea when he'd taken her hands in his, but he'd made no other effort to touch her. He had his arms crossed.

They reached the giant staircase. Lily turned to say goodbye.

"I'm going to walk you up the stairs, at least," Severus stated, as if she had almost sullied his honor. When they reached the top of the stairs, he followed her a bit farther, and Lily allowed him to so that he didn't get that wounded look again. He was telling her something about Charms. She didn't interrupt him.

The next thing that Lily knew they were up at the Gryffindor Common Room. Severus, being the self-willed person that he was, escorted her all the way. Perhaps he didn't want the evening to end either. She barely remembered that she'd asked him not to come, or even why.

She smiled nervously, "Well, thank you. I would invite you in, but…"

"I know," Severus said sulking, "it would be embarrassing."

"No…it's not that, it's just late," Lily said, although secretly she didn't want another scene with Potter if he was around. She didn't want to have to confront Potter, _or Remus._ Remus Lupin floated back into her mind, and her stomach sank. She involuntarily felt the electric touch between them again. She gave Severus a guilty smile.

He looked at her doubtfully, and for a moment she thought he knew about Remus, which was absurd. The guilt was getting to her. Obviously, the doubt reflected in his eyes was that he suspected she was lying. "No, really," she insisted, "You can come visit, some other time. I would love it, in fact."

She felt like she was overcompensating, and the suspicion didn't disappear from Severus' face, though he nodded once. She couldn't believe she was just so disloyally thinking of Lupin when they'd had such a pleasant evening. Severus was the one she wanted.

"_Myself, I would have asked you out, if he wasn't my best friend…" _

Why were Lupin's words floating back to her right now? This was frustrating. She wished he'd never told her that. She cared so strongly for Severus, and didn't like the distraction. She looked back at Severus. She wished he would kiss her.

"Well," Severus said, leaning forward on his toes. He seemed to not know what to do with his hands; he put them in his pockets, "I will go now. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He leaned forward and for an instant Lily thought he was surely going to kiss her. Instead, he took his hand from his pocket and squeezed something into her palm, smiling weakly. She watched him leave.

She opened up her hand to reveal another candy wrapped in silver. He had, after all, given her a 'kiss' of sorts. She walked into her common room feeling buoyant, only to be met by Potter.

-end chapter 9-


	10. Chap 10: Confliction

Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 10: Confliction

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Harry Potter, alas.

Specific to this chapter: This is a shorter chapter, sort of a bridge to the next part...

Notes: This is a relatively short chapter, and so hard for me to write, so sorry if it's not the best. I, like you, want to get back to the Snape/Lily stuff. Lily - James..bleh. I did INDEED NOT fall off the face of the earth, nor did I stop writing. I've been overworked in school. You can blame Russian class. I promise the next update will be much sooner...hopefully in a week. And thanks for all my loyal readers..YAY!

Shoutouts: Thanks for reviewing Chapter 9: Fedzgurl91, CitizenOfLilliput, Evil Shall Giggle, where-my-heart-resides, agent715, sugur-huny-bun, angelina-fan, Sparrow MoNkEy, paleshadow, Danceroftheshadows, Milo, Bela, Amandinka, Violet Bathory, Shaded, XxSiLvEr ChiLdxX, and Siri's Gurl

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Chapter 10: Confliction 

Potter was standing by the doorway as Lily walked in. She glanced at him surreptitiously, trying not to meet his gaze, and walking by just fast enough so that it was obvious that she didn't want to talk to him. Potter didn't take the hint. He seemed to be waiting for her.

He followed after her quickly, "Evans, Evans...why were you out so late? What have you been up to?"

Lily rounded on him, "I don't see as that's any of your business." She was furious. She had forgotten how angry he had made her earlier, and now the feelings were resurfacing.

Potter was taken aback for a moment, "Well, I didn't mean anything by it. I just have been waiting for you is all. Worried."

Lily softened a bit, and sighed, "I'm really not interested in talking right now. I want to go to bed."

"It won't take more than a minute, Lily..."

It was the second time today that Lily's own name had surprised her. Potter always called her Evans. She was annoyed that she couldn't just tell him no. No, leave me alone. She wanted to be mean to him, but couldn't find it in herself. "What?"

"Well," Potter said sheepishly, "I wanted to apologize."

"That doesn't mean anything to me," Lily said in exasperation, "What good does it do going around doing whatever you want, not caring how people feel, then apologizing?"

Potter squirmed, "I was just angry was all."

"So what! Can't you control your emotions? Or do you just have to spout off every daft thing that enters into your head?"

"It's not like that...I just..."

"You know," Lily cut him off, "If you really want to apologize, then why don't you apologize to Severus!"

Potter bristled at that, "I don't see why I should have to apologize to that bloody git."

"You really don't understand. You don't care about what you did. You just don't want me to be mad at you. He happens to be my friend." Lily snapped.

Potter flushed, "Are you going with him to the Ball?"

"Yes, I am."

"You can't!" Potter said, and it was more of a whine than a command.

"Oh, stop it! I have had enough," Lily raised her voice.

"I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN!" This time he said it angrily.

"Don't you bother with him, James Potter!" Lily warned, worrying about Severus.

"I'm not going to let you go to the Yule Ball with him," Potter yelled back.

"I don't think you have much of a say in it," Lily fumed, and she was a little scared, because she did not want him to try anything else with Severus. She looked over and saw that Remus Lupin had just appeared and was standing tentatively in the corridor. _Great._

"We'll see," Potter said ominously.

"What does that mean?"

"We'll see," Potter repeated.

Lily looked to Lupin for some support, who glanced back at her awkwardly. Lily guessed that he hadn't know that her and James were down here. He looked unsure if he should continue into the room, or retreat to his bedroom.

Lily didn't like the look in Potter's eyes. She needed to end this obsession and she needed to end it now. She did not want him to make another scene in class, or worse at the Yule Ball. At this point there was a good chance that Black would already have a vendetta, there was no use for Potter to have one, too. If she could just say something that could deflect the blame from Severus to herself, perhaps Potter would leave Severus alone.

Lupin stepped forward tentatively, "Is everything okay, Lily?"

Potter glanced menacingly at Lupin. Now that he realized they were arguing Lupin seemed reluctant to leave. Lily wondered what knowledge Remus might be privy to, that would encourage such a bold move on his part. _What rash things had Potter been saying about her? _She couldn't help but wonder.

"It's fine," Lily acknowledged.

"Everything's NOT fine," Potter said through gritted teeth, "You are not going to the Yule Ball with that...that..."

Lily cut him off abruptly, "James Potter! You have no say in what I do. I would not go to the Yule Ball with you if you were the last person on earth. I don't like you, not even as a friend. As it stands now, I may never talk to you again. You are selfish and cruel. I...I hate you!"

She quickly turned from him and ran past Lupin towards her room. She hadn't left fast enough to avoid glimpsing James' face crumple. Never had she told anyone that she hated them, and she regretted it before leaving the room. Still, she didn't dare look back at him, her eyes were welling up with tears. She didn't hate him she was just mad at him. She loathed hurting anyone so, even James Potter.

She turned into the dark corridor, and paused. and was about to ascend the stairs to her room, when she heard Lupin's voice.

"You've gone too far, Prongs."

_Prongs? Boys have such bizarre nicknames for each other._ Lily didn't even want to imagine what that was referring to. She was glad that Lupin was sticking up for her, though.

"I know," came the strained reply.

"I think it's time to let her go. She's going to the Ball with Snape..."

"I know," his voice was pained.

"There's lots of girls..."

"But I like her so much, Moony, you know that? You of all people."

Lily felt instantly bad. She had been so cruel. She felt worthless. How could she brazenly be so hurtful without thinking of the consequences. Even if it was James, even if he had hurt her, it had been unintentional. He sounded so upset.

"I can't bear to see her with...him," James croaked. _Was he crying? _Certainly not, "Why won't she like me? I've tried everything..."

"I just think that you are coming on a bit too strong."

"I'm bloody useless," James said pitifully.

Lily could stand to hear no more. She ran up to her room. That night she lay on her bed thinking about how harsh she had been. She did not like the kind of person she was becoming. She didn't want to hurt anyone.

-End Chapter 10-


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